I am Blessed with the Best!!

   As you all may know, I finally got a permanent position at work which means that I am no longer on call both day and night, I don't have to drive all over the place and I can now make plans!!! WOOHOO!!! My poor Hubs has had to listen to me gripe, complain and sometimes even cry over how much I hated my job and how frayed my nerves were getting. He was probably at his witts end with me I'm sure. Anyhow, last night was my last shift on Relief and I couldn't wait for 11pm to get here. When I came home I did the usual shower, wash the make-up off thing and then headed downstairs to meet up with the Hubs. When I sat down on the couch, a square of white caught my eye, and there sitting on the table was a card addressed to me....or "to My Lovely Wife" as he calls me!! How sweet, caring and thoughtful of him!! I truly am blessed with a great husband, one who thought of last night as a special day!!! I love him so much!!!! Here's a picture of my cherished little card!!!!!

I have to tell you that all those little stickers are because he made a mistake and had to cover it up!!!!!!!                                                                                          

Where have all the good people gone?!?!?!

   I seem to have been running into some pretty damn selfish people lately. I must say, these are generally the people that I dislike the most. What the hell makes you so damn important that nobody else matters??? There's one person in particular that at times makes my blood just boil. They play the role of perfection to a tee...but let me tell ya..there's an evil little selfish greed monster hiding underneath that facade. It makes me sick to see sometimes. And you know what's even worse?????? They get everything that they want!!! It just isn't fair!!!!!

   I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means...I have my moments where I only want to care about myself, to be number one....but that's not to often. I try each and everyday to put others first, to help people out and to not gripe and complain about all the shit I have to go through and the things that I will never have, but at least I'm real and sincere. What you see is what you get!!!!! No doubt about that!!!

   All I'm wishing for is for "these" people to open their eyes......Life is so-damn-short....stop being greedy, stop trying to be a control freak....you may just be surprised how much nicer it is when you can be real and caring!!!!

Dear Body....

   To my dearest Body,

     I know that you and I have had a "love/hate" relationship for the last little while, but do you think that you could give me a break?? I'm tired of fighting with you, of asking you to do things that you don't want to do and of course, all the weight that you keep packing on!!

    I started a little battle against you today by going for a 1 hour power walk..TAKE THAT!! I'm hoping to punish you each and everyday till I see that extra weight slip away!! I know you'll be feeling some pain tomorrow!! Haha!!

    I know that you took the greatest gift that there is away from me (that of having a baby), but you know what??? I think I may be starting to forgive you. I have ALOT of great things in my life to embrace and be thankful for and I've let you win that battle for far to long!!! It's my turn to be happy and start living everday to its fullest instead of dwelling on how much I despise you. So just so you know.....my mood will be changing ALOT, so get used to it!!

    That's all I have to say to you for now.....I'm taking my body back, and you and your negative ways can go elsewhere!!!

                                                                                          Ever so sincerely,
                                                                                                          Kristy

Gardens and lonely eggs...

   The rain finally held off long enough for me to get all of my gardens weeded and planted!! It looks sooooo much better now, and will look even better once they start to grow and bloom!!! My hands are now a big, huge mess, but totally worth all the work (and money) that it took!!


     While I was down at the back of the yard cutting the grass, a little flash of color caught my eye. I bent down to see what it was and realized that it was a blue robins egg!!! Not sure why the sight of an abandoned egg makes me feel a little sad..(probably b/c I think that the mom bird is wondering where her future hatchling is..)...so I took it over to the neighbours bird house tree and plopped it into one of the houses. Now...I'm trying to convince myself that one of those mommy birds will think that that egg is theirs and sit on it...or I just did something really dumb!! Oh well.....I'm trying to give this little baby a fair chance....we'll see that comes out of that house in awhile!!!

                                                                                             

Looooooong weekend!!

   What a great long weekend we've had so far!!! Yesterday we went out "treasure hunting"..(or metal detecting..). My in-laws got me a metal detector for Christmas and this was the first really nice day that we've had for us to go out and try it. We didn't actually find any treasure per say...but we did find a matal button snap............at least we know it works!!

    We took our girlie outside last night to light some sparklers....it is, after all the long weekend!!!! I got her to swirl and spin the sparkler around trying to capture some cool pics....I got a few....it was fun!!!

  I miss her SO now that she is gone home. Our house is quiet, there is no one to pick up after..*sigh*...oh well...I can spend the day tomorrow tending to my gardens!!!! I hope you're all have a terrific weekend...I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that the weather man is wrong about tomorrow and we'll have nothing but sun!!!!!!

                                                                                               

What it's really like...........

    I don't really want to go on and on about not being able to pro-create, but here's a few things to let you know what it really, truly feels like....

     Your heart really does break every time you see a pregnant women or a mommy holding their childs hand.

      I would give ANYTHING for a stomach full of stretchmarks, sore boobs and sleepless nights.

      I hate the fact that I will NEVER feel a baby moving around in my belly.

      There will never be a part of me left here when I leave this earth. That's kinda sad...... :(

       Who is gong to take care of me when I'm old???? (I've seen this time and time again...so sad!!)

        I will never get to pick out baby clothes for my baby. (and I love to shop for babies!!)

        What would a little person that was  a mix of me and the Hubs look like???? (I'll never know!!)

         Why am I such a failure?!?!?! Why did I have to have a broken body??????

         I will never know what it's like to see/hold MY baby for the first time.....*sniff*

    ...........................O.K....I could go on and on......but I don't want to depress all of you..I just want to be totally honest about the thoughts and feelings that I feel on a daily basis. It's really hard sometimes, and there are some really dark days...but ya know what??????? I believe that it has to be me for a reason, and I don't wish this upon anyone!!   All you Mommies out there are so special, lucky and blessed. I would give anything to have that for just one day!! Enjoy each and everyday with your lil' ones....be proud of those stretch marks and extra pounds. You are amazing!!! I wish that I could be just like you..all-the-time....but you know what?????? I'm meant for something else!!! I'm still waiting to find out what it is!!!!

    

Say What?!?!?!

   So..as mentioned yesterday (and maybe the day before, and the day before that), I had to go for my physical this morning. I hate them sooooo much, but I do know that they are very important to have. So I got up early, showered, shaved (very important for these kind of appointments) and got ready to head out the door. Ugh....I felt nervous....things just never go right for me in this department.

   Anyhow....I got to the office, checked in and waited for about 5 mins before I was ushered into the room. The doc. came in, asked me the usual questions and then went to see when my last pap with her was. She thought it had been a while, but really I had had one with my gyno. a year ago. I told her this and you know what she said???? ...to only get undressed from the waist up.....wait....did I hear that right?????? She left the room (to let me get undressed of course) and the whole time I was wondering if I had misheard her.....well..I did what she asked, while feeling confused. When she came back, I asked If I had heard her right, she said I sure did. Then she told me that I could have my pap with my gyno. What the hell?!?!?  Does that not make that appointment a total waste of time????? Now I have to make ANOTHER appointment for a pap. Ugh...well, at least he is totally awesome and super quick and efficient. Let's just say that that appointment didn't quite go as I had thought it would!!!!